The Conspiracy

I realize this does not affect any of you, but tuck it away for the future! Far away!!

Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are?
Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier.
And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner to get the mail and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street has become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mumbling the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old classmate the other day and he has aged so much that he didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor old guy while I was shaving this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection ........ Well, HOLY COW ........... even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 34 waist as 42 or 44? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, or thighs?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on, but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such damn small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.


PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too.

(Thanks to Sheila Frappier for alerting us to this.)