Dog's Oath

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. 

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. 

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. 

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to
throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. 

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food. 

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. 

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. 

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. 

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's  license and car registration

(thanks to Ruthie Darlene)