Barry Morden's Vacation

I was called in to work for Barry Morden mid-July 2003 at AM740 Radio. During that time a lot of listeners called in to ask "where is Barry".
He was supposed to have had a relaxing vacation, but a few minor glitches cropped up.
Here is a brief description of his days off.

Day 1.
Barry is off today, taking it easy cleaning his barbecue. He's cleaning the steak from 1994, chicken from 1991, and the fish from his 42nd birthday party. He should have the job finished in about seven hours.

Day 2.
Barry is off today. He was experimenting with his clean barbecue, and figured out a way to barbecue pancakes. Seems though when he flipped the pancakes, the wind caught them and swept them onto the roof. They slid down the roof and clogged the dowsnpout and the eavestrough. Because of the heavy rain yesterday the water overflowed and poured down onto the BBQ and ruined the burners. Barry is out getting replacements.

Day 3.
Barry is off today. He was up on the roof cleaning out the eavestrough and then was going to BBQ lamb later tonight. But it seems while he was on the roof, the lamb escaped from his back yard before he could climb down the ladder. He's out scouring the neighborhood now for his lamb. Barry is offering a reward.

Day 4.
Barry is off today. It seems someone in need of the reward, returned Barry's lamb, so things are finally back to normal. Barry is planning a barbecue later tonight.

Day 5
Barry is off today. It seems Barry's eyesight isn't what it used to be. The chap who returned his lamb yesterday got the reward, but short-changed Barry, as what he returned wasn't a lamb, but a sheep-dog. Barry took the sheep-dog to the SPCA but now has to get his glasses checked.

Day 6
Barry is off today. He got some new hi-tech glasses he's excited about. Vision is perfect, however it seems they were not comfortable and Barry tried to adjust them himself. They use those new fangled lithium-chromide screws and somehow Barry broke one. It fell right into his Pina-Colada, which he drank. Not serious because it's so small, but later Barry went out to buy a new fall wardrobe. As he was leaving K-MART the lithium-chromide screw in his system set off the anti-theft alarm and now he's being held in the security office until the supervisor arrives.

Day 7.
Barry is off today. He had a minor problem with store security yesterday but as it turned out it was just a mis-understanding. In fact due to Barry's wonderful nature, the security people offered him a job paying twice what he's making in radio, to join their security force. They're training Barry today and he starts tomorrow with what they say is an easy job.

Day 8.
Barry is off today. He started a new job in security which he seems to like. It's at the zoo. Seems they've been having problems with major theft. Barry's job is to watch the elephant. Barry sits in a high-tech security booth with cameras and his only job is to make sure nobody steals the elephant. Barry seems to like the job.

Day 9.
Barry is off today. He's been enjoying his new job as security officer in charge of the elephant at the zoo. However Barry started to like the elephant, feeding him peanuts, and last night Barry left the security booth and decided to wash the elephant. Barry got a garden hose and started at one end and worked his way to the other. It took about an hour. Unfortunately, while Barry was washing the elephant, someone stole his security booth with $50,000 worth of hi-tech camera equipment inside. Barry had a long chat with the supervisor, resolved the situation and it was decided it was not a good match for Barry to work there and they would part company on good terms. Unfortunately, while Barry was negotiating with the supervisor, someone stole the elephant.

Day 10.
Barry is off today. He's in his backyard today. He finished connecting new burners on his barbecue, and now he's putting up a new fence. It seems the old fence was totally demolished by an elephant that someone let loose in the neighborhood. Barry will be back on the air Monday.