Children's Science Exam Answers

  Q: Name the four seasons.
  A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

  Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
  A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

  Q: How is dew formed?
  A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

  Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
  A: Keep it in the cow.

  Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
  A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to  flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature  hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

  Q: What are steroids?
  A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

  Q: What happens to your body as you age?
  A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

  Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
  A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

  Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
  A: Premature death.

  Q: What is artificial insemination?
  A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

  Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
  A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the  abdominal cavity.  The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the  heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I,  O, and U.

  Q: What is the fibula?
  A: A small lie.

  Q: What does "varicose" mean?
  A: Nearby.

  Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
  A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

  Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
  A: Benign is what you will be after you are eight. 

(Thank to Ann Sharpe for this one)